mood: need caffeine
listening to: "walking with the dinosaurs" on tv in the background
last read: eBay selling results
i had a dream last night. the kind where you wake up and think, WTF!? it was a definite blast from the past. i tend to have this recurring theme dream whenever i am thoroughly depleted or stressed. it irks me every time because it's the kind of dream that follows you throughout the day and you have to remind yourself it was just a dream.
i think it is amazing--the human psyche that allows for you to (1) dream and (2) have lasting emotions as a direct result of a vivid dream. im a firm beleiver that nothing is accidental and all things have a purpose beyond themselves, buti can't help but wonder, what's the point of emotion insighting dreams.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
ouch
mood: a wee tired
listening to: kids playing baseball in the living room
last read: previous blog entry
so, i have gall stones. i am greatly frustrated by this. i would be at peace with it if i had not just worked my butt off to lose 50 pounds, thus leading to said stones. i know the lighter me is still better off, but it is greatly discouraging to do something in the name of "health" only to be subject to $240 in tests, likely leading to a $700 surgery. frustrating.
i had hoped i would be that special case who could beat the odds and take care of this with some medication. but i am now on day 7 of constant pain and my hope has been greatly diminished. it is exhausting. but it gives me new compassion for the infirmed. and that's something you can never have enough of, compassion.
my last rant will be about my hair-- it's falling out=(. i am hoping it's linked somehow to my gb issues so that it will be resolved, but im just not sure. i have lost about half my hair. my ponytail is now what was formerly one of my pigtails. a friend went through this a year ago, and i was sympathetic. but now, going through it myself, i realize i was not nearly sympathetic enough. in our superficial, image conscious society, THIS IS TRAGGIC! (caps, i know. it is that important) i should have shown up on her doorstep with some vitamin B12 or something. sorry friend.
listening to: kids playing baseball in the living room
last read: previous blog entry
so, i have gall stones. i am greatly frustrated by this. i would be at peace with it if i had not just worked my butt off to lose 50 pounds, thus leading to said stones. i know the lighter me is still better off, but it is greatly discouraging to do something in the name of "health" only to be subject to $240 in tests, likely leading to a $700 surgery. frustrating.
i had hoped i would be that special case who could beat the odds and take care of this with some medication. but i am now on day 7 of constant pain and my hope has been greatly diminished. it is exhausting. but it gives me new compassion for the infirmed. and that's something you can never have enough of, compassion.
my last rant will be about my hair-- it's falling out=(. i am hoping it's linked somehow to my gb issues so that it will be resolved, but im just not sure. i have lost about half my hair. my ponytail is now what was formerly one of my pigtails. a friend went through this a year ago, and i was sympathetic. but now, going through it myself, i realize i was not nearly sympathetic enough. in our superficial, image conscious society, THIS IS TRAGGIC! (caps, i know. it is that important) i should have shown up on her doorstep with some vitamin B12 or something. sorry friend.
Monday, June 21, 2010
I-5
mood: grand
listening to: fiona apple
last read: email from jenni p.
so, i made the trek from here to san jose this last week, just me and the two boys. as i was traveling along that barren stretch of land between LA and the SF bay area, i was flooded with memories-- some good, some not so good. it has been quite a while, almost two years, since i drove home. but i quickly remembered both the glory and peril of that drive. i do enjoy a great road trip. i find it soothing the open road, the low murmur of the engine, and the time to rediscover some of my favorite music. this trip was filled with fiona apple, sarah mclachlan, ben harper, and putumayo kids sing-along to world music. (that last one is an odd sort of favorite. it is not the musicality that i enjoy, but the effect it has on my kids. it's a definite cost-benefit situation. although, the scatty, bluesy rendition of "old macdonald" is quite entertaining.) the peril is the seemingly endless road in front of you. it took me 7 1/2 hours door to door, with one stop at the in-n-out burger in kettleman city. the boys were surpisingly not horrible, and slept for about 1/2 the trip, in part thanks to some dramamine. yes, i drug my kids when we travel. i figure, we eat organically and preservative free 80% of the time, their system can handle a little "encouragement" every two years.
as i was driving, i couldnt help but think of all the people i have made that trip with in the past. most of them were at one time or another, bffs. it was a little heart twinging to think that most are no longer regular parts of my life. some of that is good, and some of that is sad. i was also quickly reminded of my age. as soon as i got to san jose, i could not really remember where most things were. for me, this is HUGE. i always remember directions and locations. at the age of 20 i could remember how to get to my childhood home 400 miles away that i had not visited since i was 8. now, i couldn't remember how to get to my mom's work that i had been to 18 months before. oh, 30, you are coming, and quickly. time for some ginko i guess.
listening to: fiona apple
last read: email from jenni p.
so, i made the trek from here to san jose this last week, just me and the two boys. as i was traveling along that barren stretch of land between LA and the SF bay area, i was flooded with memories-- some good, some not so good. it has been quite a while, almost two years, since i drove home. but i quickly remembered both the glory and peril of that drive. i do enjoy a great road trip. i find it soothing the open road, the low murmur of the engine, and the time to rediscover some of my favorite music. this trip was filled with fiona apple, sarah mclachlan, ben harper, and putumayo kids sing-along to world music. (that last one is an odd sort of favorite. it is not the musicality that i enjoy, but the effect it has on my kids. it's a definite cost-benefit situation. although, the scatty, bluesy rendition of "old macdonald" is quite entertaining.) the peril is the seemingly endless road in front of you. it took me 7 1/2 hours door to door, with one stop at the in-n-out burger in kettleman city. the boys were surpisingly not horrible, and slept for about 1/2 the trip, in part thanks to some dramamine. yes, i drug my kids when we travel. i figure, we eat organically and preservative free 80% of the time, their system can handle a little "encouragement" every two years.
as i was driving, i couldnt help but think of all the people i have made that trip with in the past. most of them were at one time or another, bffs. it was a little heart twinging to think that most are no longer regular parts of my life. some of that is good, and some of that is sad. i was also quickly reminded of my age. as soon as i got to san jose, i could not really remember where most things were. for me, this is HUGE. i always remember directions and locations. at the age of 20 i could remember how to get to my childhood home 400 miles away that i had not visited since i was 8. now, i couldn't remember how to get to my mom's work that i had been to 18 months before. oh, 30, you are coming, and quickly. time for some ginko i guess.
Friday, June 11, 2010
regrand opening
mood: inspired
last read: amy's fb post regarding a secret
listening to: once soundtrack, damien rice
so... i just finished watching julie & julia, and i am reinspired to take steps towards one of my "bucket list" items-- to write a book. i don't yet know what kind of book, fiction or not. but i do know that i like to write. and everytime i think about writing, a compliment from a well respected artistic and intelligent friend rings through my mind and i want to sit and bang on the keyboard.
i am a little tired of the fb format of coming up with short quip-y updates. if you know me at all, you know i need more than a couple sentences, which is probably why i don't tweet. so, my blog, i have returned to spill my thoughts for no one in particular but me and to reinvigorate the creative spirit within.
let the randomness begin....
yesterday i was vacuuming and listening to a song about waiting longingly for true love to take hold, and i thought, "man, to have someone long for you like that and to love you so much." in that same instant, i realized i DO have someone who loves me like that... my trevor. i don't know why i never captured the depth of his love for me. through no fault of his, i think i viewed his heart for me as one bound to duty because that is his personality. he does everything well because there is no other way. but last night, listening to the song and pushing my dirt devil, i realized, as flashes of the last 8 years zoomed through my minds eye, that our love, his heart, our life is so deep and relentless that if he or i were a song writer, we could write a song that would move the hearts and spirits of the most jaded. (i am not really a mushy type, but i am so enamored that i cannot possibly think of writing about anything else.) maybe the music just caught me at a hormonal high, but i don't think so.
anyway, garage sale tomorrow. gotta go sort.
hello again.
last read: amy's fb post regarding a secret
listening to: once soundtrack, damien rice
so... i just finished watching julie & julia, and i am reinspired to take steps towards one of my "bucket list" items-- to write a book. i don't yet know what kind of book, fiction or not. but i do know that i like to write. and everytime i think about writing, a compliment from a well respected artistic and intelligent friend rings through my mind and i want to sit and bang on the keyboard.
i am a little tired of the fb format of coming up with short quip-y updates. if you know me at all, you know i need more than a couple sentences, which is probably why i don't tweet. so, my blog, i have returned to spill my thoughts for no one in particular but me and to reinvigorate the creative spirit within.
let the randomness begin....
yesterday i was vacuuming and listening to a song about waiting longingly for true love to take hold, and i thought, "man, to have someone long for you like that and to love you so much." in that same instant, i realized i DO have someone who loves me like that... my trevor. i don't know why i never captured the depth of his love for me. through no fault of his, i think i viewed his heart for me as one bound to duty because that is his personality. he does everything well because there is no other way. but last night, listening to the song and pushing my dirt devil, i realized, as flashes of the last 8 years zoomed through my minds eye, that our love, his heart, our life is so deep and relentless that if he or i were a song writer, we could write a song that would move the hearts and spirits of the most jaded. (i am not really a mushy type, but i am so enamored that i cannot possibly think of writing about anything else.) maybe the music just caught me at a hormonal high, but i don't think so.
anyway, garage sale tomorrow. gotta go sort.
hello again.
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