would i?

mood: contemplative
listening to: paul simon
last read: tiffany's blog

so, this journey with noah has been schizophrenic--sometimes i am not worried at all, sometimes i can get panicy at the unknown, and sometimes i lay on the floor and cry at the energy and work it takes to persevere. all the while, i know my God is in control and i have to believe that there is purpose in all this.

 i have a firm faith and hard core belief that He does work ALL things together for the good of those who love Him. many times throughout my walk with Him, i have had to act on faith and accept that i would not necessarily see the good that trials bring. but it truly is the cry of my heart to bring Him glory and praise. and through this noah ordeal, i have pleaded and purposed that i not miss the opportunities He sets before me to do so.

and today, i am so blessed to see, in a relative short amount of time, the positive fruition of a devestating circumstance in my life, bring glory to the Almighty--and i am in awe. i have a friend, who is not really a close friend or someone i see very often at all, find out about noah's situation. she sought me out for a lunch date and poured out her own struggle with her husband's seizure disorder. we were able to commiserate on the fears and anxiety of our situations. later, i came home and emailed her my "go to" verse that has kept me solid(ish) throughout this experience. it was a little bit of a leap of faith, because i know she is not a church going woman, and hasn't ever really expressed a hunger for a relationship with the Lord. she emailed back and poured out her heart regarding her desire to get her faith life back on track. i gave her some resources and let her know she was welcome to come to church with us anytime.

in the mean time, i have been digging deep within my heart and asking the question, "is it worth it?" i mean, i say i want to bring Him glory at any cost, but is noah's situation worth it to bring this woman to the heart and love of the Lord? would i do it all over again, knowing that this was the outcome? it was a hard thing to ask of myself, and ashamedly, i dabbled between yes and no. then, today, i received another email from her about how she has been seeking Him and really focusing on laying her burden at His feet and has in the last week, had the opportunity to share her heart with another friend going through a rough situation. she's been praying with the girl and was even able to help the other girl when she posed the question, "How do I pray?"

when i read that email, my soul shouted a resounding "yes!" i would do it over again. it breaks my heart to watch noah walk this walk and not knowing what the future holds for his health can be  scary. however, in light of these women coming to a place of fellowship with Jesus Christ, and the earthly and eternal implications  of their surrender, how could i not do it over again? i look forward to the day when he asks the question, "why me?" and i can answer him with specific names and situations. not everyone is so blessed to have those answers, but i thank God and am humbled before Him that He has given me that insight.